My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
