Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
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