Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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