Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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