Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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