I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
