Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
