So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
