turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
