apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Buhtt sex?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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