saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
