I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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