At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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