On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
