And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
