dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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