We got so high we made milksteak
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
