i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
