singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Its about making memories worth repressing
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
