The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
