Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
