Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
