just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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