I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
