The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize