margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
