i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
