Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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