will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize