Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
