The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
