I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize