I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
