well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
