Quick, to the slutcave!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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