Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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