Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
