I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
