dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
