Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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