Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
