I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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