So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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