if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
