I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
