I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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