my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
