So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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