the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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