the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
