I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
