Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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