i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
