oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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