Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
