i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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