I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
