Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
where are my eyebrows?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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