soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
