is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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