part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
