He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
