I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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