I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
