I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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