Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
