Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
