we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
