I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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